Rest

Since surgery last week, I've been restless during the night, either from not being able to fall asleep or being woke up from bad dreams. I don't drink caffeine or eat too late, so I know these factors don't play a part in why I have trouble sleeping. I get sleepy early, but if I allowed myself to fall asleep, I'd wake back up late night or early morning and not be able to go back to sleep....so I keep myself up. I finally get to bed between 10-10:30, but then can't fall asleep until close to midnight (I just toss and turn).

The dreams are vivid and when I awake, sometimes I have tears in my eyes. I dream that I've lost another child or that Selah is running towards me but I can't touch her. Just the other day, I dreamt that I was at Julie's house (my best friend) and I was holding out my arms to catch her little girl, Kayley, when at that very moment, God gave a vision of Selah and the arms that I had for Kayley were all of a sudden filled with my beautiful little girl. For a split moment in my dream, I have the biggest smile on my face! Julie also sees this vision and when it's over, I'm then holding Kayley and crying uncontrollably, with Julie by my side. When I woke up, I was almost in tears and immediately started praying for God to "put me back to sleep without more crazy, sad dreams". This dream occured the day before I went to visit Julie and Kayley, ironically enough, so of course I thought it could really come true...maybe, just maybe I'd get a view of my girl. It didn't happen.

Please pray that if I dream, that I am graced with peaceful dreams or in my own words, "butterflies and rainbows". :) Please also pray that when I fall asleep, I sleep all the way through the night, with no interruptions of any kind (dreams, pee breaks, pains, etc).

Love ya'!